Here are three tips for maintaining relationships with friends you don’t see often enough.
I love my friends. They are always there for me to lean on to help me get through all the ups and downs in my life. As I grew older, I realized how precious the friendship built in my school life was. However, it was challenging to continue cultivating the friendship since I was physically far from most friends back home. A healthy and close friendship is worth protecting and shaping. Thus, I connect with them whenever I have the capacity outside my daily life. For instance, I chatted with them regularly on my phone via text messages, shared pictures with my daily life highlights, and proactively found time to talk with each other via video call.
I read an article from WSJ the other day that shares some practical advice on maintaining friendships by trying a “friendship snack.” I love using snacks as a symbol when talking about building long-lasting friendships.
“Bite-size communications should be nutritious, not filled with empty calories. The key is to make an emotional connection.”
When we spend time connecting with our friends, we can be more intentional about managing the quality of communication, i.e., taking a nutritious friendship snack instead of a junk food snack. You will be surprised at how impactful continuing to build close relationships with your friends can be, even if we are all physically living far away.
Here are three bite-size tips on keeping a close-knit friendship with your friend that you can try.
Surprise!
Surprise your friends by sending a short letter, text message, or small gift on a special day. For instance, you can send them a birthday card, gift, or postcard. What’s even better is sharing some inside jokes that are only between you and your friends. Research shows that our friends like hearing from us more than we realize. Let’s admit it: It feels good knowing someone thought of you, even if it’s just a short handwritten mail or postcard.
Be funny, and show up!
Be funny when it’s appropriate. Show up whenever you notice your friend might need support and love. I found it most powerful to show up, support at the right moment, and make an emotional connection to strengthen a friendship.
“When you make a friend laugh, you’re giving them a gift,” says Jennifer Aaker, a behavioral scientist at Stanford University. Making jokes and laughing with friends can bring the friendship closer and tighter. It brings me immense joy whenever my friends laugh at my jokes. Knowing that they “get it” makes our friendship unique.
Everyone is unique – send personalized love!
Communicate with friends in different ways and on various topics. Start the conversation by sharing something you both are interested in and let the conversation go from there. We all have our preferences on how to show and receive love. Understand each other first, then send them your personalized care and love!
One of my best friends and I have been living in different cities for the past fifteen years, and our friendship is growing stronger than ever, even though we live in two different countries nowadays. We visit each other in person whenever we are in the same city. Other than meeting once a year, we rarely chatted on the phone. However, we kept each other updated on our lives, and sharing feelings evolved our friendship. The topic lists we’ve touched on grow as our personal lives grow. We started chatting about our college life 15 years ago and now about marriage and life with a kid. Seeing how much we’ve grown and knowing that we are always there for each other in all the important moments in our lives means the world to me.
“You don’t have to talk to someone for an hour to have an impact,” says Michelle Drouin, a professor of psychology at Purdue University Fort Wayne. “Five minutes is enough time to catch up with someone and say: ‘I care about you.'”
Conclusion
A good friendship is worth protecting and making an effort to maintain. Find your friendship snack that suits you and your friend the most. Remember to find something that is nourishing instead of the one with just empty calories, such as the dull “How are you?”, “Good, you?” conversation. Make it a habit to help you and your friend bond. If you do it right, it will take you only a little time to share more fond moments with your dear friends. Although it’s irreplaceable to be physically present with your friend to cultivate the friendship, as a compromise, we can all try our best to connect with friends and show love to them online.